Behaviour Management

There is a lot of connection between brain function and behaviours, and about what kind of response to expect when a child has a meltdown or begins feeling what we call "big emotions". As each child is different, the methods in which we approach this behaviour also has to be different. Some children really just need you to give them a big hug to help them feel safe again. Some need space, but still want you to be near by. Others may even attempt to get as far away from us as possible! Each child will handle a big emotion differently, the same way we as adults do! The main difference is we have managed to find ways to regulate our emotions. We may recognise a big emotion in ourselves coming, and find something to do that will calm us down before we escalate. Children, unfortunately, do not have this ability, and that's when they will depend on us to model appropriate ways to deal with their emotions. We may point out that we can tell how they are feeling based on expression or their tone of voice ("I can see by your frown and hear by your shouting voice that you are very frustrated and angry right now"). We will then validate those feelings, because they are that child's honest response to the situation (I would be angry if someone took something from me too). Finally, when they are ready, we can work on a solution (Let's tell them how you feel and see if we can work out a way to share it). Often, a child's emotions can make us as adults feel a little frustrated or even upset that we don't know how exactly to help them. Whenever this happens to me personally, I try to remember two important things about children under 6;

1. Behaviour is COMMUNICATION. They do not yet posses that capacity to understand why they are feeling that way they are, and definitely not how to put those feelings into words. They are trying to tell me how they feel through they only way they know how- reacting.

2. We need to be the calm in their chaos. Easier said than done sometimes! But it is true - meeting their anger with your own frustration is not going to solve how they are feeling. Mostly I try to remember that being a little child trying to understand how the world works can be hard! They need our help, our guidance and most importantly our never ending love!